Brother Broken


About being a big sister...

Mud was a good medium for me to practise my craft at being the older sibling. It was easy to find and free to use, so I lured my two-year-old brother to a proper mudhole. It was shallow, so as to not pose a drowning risk, yet wide enough to provide adequate working space. It was also located in a spot not obvious to snooping eyes.

I sank my hands deep into the muck. I didn’t need to prod Mitch to do the same. I told him, “We’re makin’ cakes.”

I pulled out a handful of gunk and mixed in some dry dirt. I showed Mitch how to mould a cake and smooth it round to make it look like the buns Mom formed from bread dough. I busied myself with crafting a row of them.

Mitch used his own technique. I grew frustrated, antsy at his attempts. He wouldn’t pay attention to my method. I couldn’t seem to explain to him how to get the consistency right. He squeezed the muck through his little fingers, having fun instead of working at it. His creations looked more like lumpy dog turds than cakes. At least he was old enough to know not to eat them.

It didn’t look as though Mitch planned to contribute to the stockpile, so I gave up the push. He tested the limit of my patience when he came after my stash, probably fixing to mash up the perfect sculptures I had formed.

We were too occupied with our task to notice Mom watching us. We had mud up to our armpits, and crud grimed into our clothes and hair. Mitch saw her first. He cracked a warm, toothy smile. She softened at his mirth. She motioned for him to come with her, so he scrambled to his feet and scudded after her like a fish caught on a hook. My words didn’t come out fast enough. I wanted to say, “What the hey? Where you going? We’re not done here! Come back!”

But it was too late to voice objections. He’d abandoned me. I’d lost him to her charm. Even so, I stood firm, refusing to be lured away from my task. It was bigger than the two of us. I was practising leadership. I did what any good leader would do—I resisted, and I expected him to follow my lead.

He didn’t.

I watched him wander off, trailing his backside after Mom.

The little traitor.

I knew one thing for sure, he wouldn’t be following in my footsteps. He marched to his own damn drumbeat, and it rarely kept tempo with mine. My days of perceived influence were over before they had even begun.

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